35 of the Freshest and Funniest Tweets of the Week (September 7, 2024)

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    will @uwantmetoiwill I'm in a teams meeting with 80 people and this icon is calling to me like the green goblin mask 7 Take control Pop out
  • 02
    That CHUCK INGLISH said it. @Chuckisdope look like Steve Harvey. Tre James @TiricoHairline . 1d Im old and I love onions like this on a burger. Id destroy this
  • 03
    lan Bogost @ibogost I have obtained a "ranch flight" 12 13 1:42 PM 8/28/24 951K Views 696 Reposts 642 Quotes 26K Likes 1.1K Bookmarks
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    * Not Tyrese or Taye Diggs ❤ @Younglordsean Nah the first meal you buy as a single man is so crazy, that's a $60 in savings smile Page Page Six @PageSix. 1d Ben Affleck looks giddy as he gets fast food delivered to LA rental home trib.al/29y3a8G 3:16 PM 8/26/24 7.7M Views . PACK
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    Richy Craven @RichyCraven Every time I've gone to the pharmacy for a prescription it feels like it's the first day for everyone who works there and also for the concept of a pharmacy. • 8:32 AM 8/27/24 3.4M Views •
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    Matt @sixringsofsteeI Why is this in a basketball game Imao 2 NBA 2K25 Community @nba2kcmty. 1d NBA 2K25 indoor go-kart track gameplay (compete weekly for 1Mil VC) Via: @Jumpman_Germ #NBA2K25 J TikTok @jumpmangerm LAP 1/3 05.532 TARGET 2:00.000 12306.541 06.000 0:01 3:02 PM 8/30/24 3.4M Views TURBO Ž
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    Nick + @slothropsmap All-timer 5'7" 5'6" 5'5" 5'4" 5'3" 5'2" 5'1" 5'0" Average Female Height per country South Latvia Australia Scotland Peru India Africa Mike Fix @mpfix1.1d Please share your favorite examples of absolutely terrible graphs/figures (misleading, confusing, aesthetically abhorrent, etc). Need examples for a class lecture.
  • 08
    Adam @adamgreattweet nobody sighs louder than an unemployed, debt- free dog who spends at least 16 hours a day sleeping 6:41 PM 8/27/24 3.3M Views 13K Reposts 873 Quotes
  • 09
    Miss Gender @girldrawsghosts I've been sitting here trying to build a punchline around this but you can't improve on perfection = Futurism yahoo!news Sign in Cybertruck Catches Fire After Running Into Fire Hydrant and Getting Wet Victor Tangermann Wed, August 28, 2024 at 4:18 PM EDT 2 min read ↑ 3 企 6:04 AM 8/30/24 2.3M Views
  • 10
    Terrible Maps ❤ @TerribleMaps Alaska's Passive Aggressive Map of the USA Selected Twin ནཱཎྜམྦྷ -ཝེཎྜསི། སིནྡྷུནིཡེན The United States of America ARCTIC OCEAN BEAUFORT SEA CHURCHI SEA BERING SEA BAY GULF OF ALASKA PACIFIC Seattle Lower 48 IFIC A Pike's Peak San Francisco OCEAN New York O C Honolulu Hawaii Mona Loa
  • 11
    Pastor Kyle. @itsqail Adult friendships are crazy cuz you'll be asking each other October? like are u free at the end of 10:40 PM 8/27/24 9.6M Views 37K Reposts 3.8K Quotes
  • 12
    The Trout Farm 27 @Mike__McKenna Every time I see this video of Mahomes wife I immediately see Gerald from Finding Dory 11 TEXAS TECH FOULS: 2 13 19-6 (8-4) NBA WEDNESDAY MRA JAZZ LAKERS 9:29 AM 8/28/24 4.6M Views 6.5K Reposts 357 Quotes
  • 13
    James Melville @JamesMelville "What are you in for?" "A Facebook meme. You?" "Smoking in a pub beer garden." 6:35 AM 8/29/24 ⚫ 1M Views
  • 14
    DreddSnail @DreddSnail Cyclists will see a literal tree drop in front of them and STILL WON'T AccuWeather ¡STOP. @accuweather ⚫1d Dramatic video captured the moment a tree came crashing down and nearly hit a cyclist as thunderstorms hit Milwaukee on Tuesday. The cyclist was okay. MILWAUKEE, WI Lorenzo Parker via Storyful August 27 AccuWeather
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    C theCHIVE @theCHIVE Minnesota has the best field goal distraction in football, (Full Story: I.thechive.com/jAXaH7) Conta ADIUM 25 Allstate 1:30 PM 9/6/15 162 Reposts 13 Quotes 686 Likes 44 Bookmarks
  • 16
    Life Grips @ptrkbrn It came to me like a dream i guess we doin records now V GUINNESS GUINNESS WORLD RECORDS 7:31 PM 8/27/24 3.8M Views 7.2K Reposts 157 Quotes 2006 GUINNESS D GUINNESS
  • 17
    Spudgun Official @SpudgunO 25 million dead to change one letter W Wikipedia https://en.wikipedia.org > wiki > T... Transition from Ming to Qing Casualties and losses. 25,000,000 deaths overall, including civilians. Contents. 1 Overview. 1.1 Jurchens and the late Ming dynasty. 2 Initial Jurchen conquests. 3:08 PM 8/28/24 1.1M Views 1.8K Reposts 126 Quotes
  • 18
    my wheelhouse @mywheelhouseftw yeah babe, you see how it's almost to 100%? The very second it says "seeding", right click on it and then left click on "Remove without deleting file". 5:31 PM 8/27/24 2.2M Views
  • 19
    Daniel Miller @DanTheDadBodGod This is the ideal book. You may not like it, but this is what peak publishing looks like. EYEWITNESS BOOKS EYEWITNESS BOOKS ARMS CASTLE & ARMOR Discover the origins, workings, and uses of hand weapons in close-up- from the Stone Age to the Wild West ers Discover the medieval world of castles- how they were built and what life was like inside them CHRISTOPHER GRAVETT EYEWITNESS BOOKS A EYEWITNESS BOOKS EXPLORER VIKING Discover the story of exploration- from the firs
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    We$t @flygodT As funny as it sounds the easiest way to get women is by having a girlfriend 11:36 AM 8/27/24 3.2M Views 4.9K Reposts 922 Quotes
  • 21
    Julie Greiner @JulieAbridged Leonardo DiCaprio's 19-year-old girlfriend, who is 49, Leonardo DiCaprio's 19-year-old girlfriend, who is 49, says she doesn't love him for his money and fame. "When I met him, I didn't even know who he was. Being with him makes me happy and calm. That's true love." 9:18 PM 8/27/24 4.9M Views
  • 22
    Benny Getsamani @B_A_orBP I used to date this girl with 3 kids and one day her kids asked me to bring over chips, I got two big boxes from the store and when I got there her son gone say "aint nobody ever going in my mama room again except you"...my chest still hurt 3:16 PM 8/28/24 3.3M Views . 5.6K Reposts 2.3K Quotes
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    zephyr @zephyrmetalwing Rhysy @rhysss_ • 2d sometimes you're not breaking gender norms, your outfit is just awful 10:11 PM 8/27/24 12M Views •
  • 24
    Gentleman Doofus @GentleDoofus She's sold monorails to Brockway, Ogdenville, and North Haverbrook, and by gum, it put them on the map. DepressedBergman @Danny DrinksWi.... 17h Sigourney Weaver photographed while arriving at the Venice film festival yesterday, 2024. (-Andreas Rentz)
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    #1 Space Jam 2 Lover @JoshuaTookes 4 DiscussingFilm Wendy's @DiscussingFilm. 1d Wendy's will reportedly release a real-life Krabby Patty this Fall. (Source: thepopverse.com/tv-spongebob-s...)
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    Drebae @Drebae I didn't realize how good my parents raised me until I got around other people 11:43 AM 8/28/24 10M Views
  • 27
    skinny legend? @wale_awe Something about Christina Aguilera telling me "you are beautiful no matter they say" never sat right with me because bitchhh what do they be saying? VH-1 5:35 AM 8/30/24 1.6M Views 8.5K Reposts 867 Quotes 75K Likes 3K Bookmarks
  • 28
    00 j aubrey @jaubreyYT I actually believe he did this Kurrco @Kurrco • 14h A Kentucky woman claims Kanye West telepathically told her to steal a car with a child inside, leading to her arrest 8:25 PM 8/30/24 7.4M Views 19K Reposts 92 Quotes 327K Likes 5.9K Bookmarks
  • 29
    Kimeko M. @KimekoM Someone on IG said, "PTO is not enough, I need to go on maternity leave. No, I'm not having a baby. I am the baby." I have never felt something so deep in my spirit. 2:55 PM 8/27/24 315K Views . 2.4K Reposts 83 Quotes 11K Likes 391 Bookmarks
  • 30
    S @sageyblanco we accept New Year's Eve as the time of reflection but it's really end of August mara @_Lily__pond • 5d The last days of August are a test from god 10:51 PM 8/27/24 2.6M Views
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    emily may ❤ @emilykmay my best friend is a doula and while attending a birth last night, her husband used their shared spotify account at home...which meant that "cotton eyed joe" began blasting right as the mom began to push 1:29 PM 8/30/24 465K Views 335 Reposts 70 Quotes 14K Likes 361 Bookmarks
  • 32
    FESS Fesshole HOLE @fesshole The other day a number of people at work told me that I had a lovely healthy glow about me and had caught the sun a little. I was far too embarrassed to tell them it was actually a rather uncomfortable eczema flare up 10:25 AM 8/30/24 176K Views 13 Reposts 3 Quotes 1.1K Likes 10 Bookmarks
  • 33
    octave @curtofranklin i may live alone but I keep the toilet seat DOWN in case a woman burglar needs to use it 8:39 PM 8/30/24 144K Views 417 Reposts 27 Quotes 7.6K Likes 94 Bookmarks
  • 34
    Kayleigh Donaldson @Ceilidhann Adrien Brody bought a castle for him and girlfriend Elsa Pataky to live in. They showed it off in a 35-page spread for Hello magazine. Then she dumped him to marry Chris Hemsworth. EXCLUSIVE PRUTUS AND INTERVIEW ADRIEN BRODY SURPRISES HIS ACTRESS LOVE A PATAKY WITH A DREAM CASTLE' ane 0221 Adrien was single too...it was fate Pop Base ✔ @PopBase 4d Name your favorite celebrity fact. 6:14 AM 8/31/24 3.9M Views • The first time The was complete He Hild her she's the l
  • 35
    Adam @adamgreattweet if you can't find a man on a dating app, store bought is fine WOW of the Week! Assorted Husbands $14.98 Great Deals 8:16 PM 8/30/24 25K Views 72 Reposts 13 Quotes 499 Likes 6 Bookmarks

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